Monday, December 21st, 2009

pj.

thursday night = paul james clothing release party. 909 performs. bMod performs. and bMod alumni performs. quite awesome and fun. i missed that performance feeling. i didn't get too crazy afterwards considering i had a vegas trip to save money for the following day, but here are a few pictures:

pj
the paul james project. bMod alumni performers.


CIMG2312CIMG2313CIMG2314
me and paul james himself. me and jowena. me and rjsters.



pj2
more bMod alumni!


best of luck to the paul james clothing line!

-vegas update to come tomorrow.
(Leave a comment)

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

whatsinmybag.

a lot of members on flickr do this thing where we empty out our daily bags and take a picture of everything we normally carry around. considering the winter storm we just had leaving the mountains a beautiful and angelic white, i decided to do it with my snowboarding gear. but since these are a lot larger than what can fit in a bag, they are all individual shots.

IMGP8726

this is the bag itself. my k2 biosonic backpack. it has speakers built-in to the straps so i can hook up my trusty ipod shuffle and listen to my music without it being so loud like earphones where i cant hear the person next to me. makes for a nicer ride up the mountain on the lifts too. for me and the people i'm with.

IMGP8719

my 686 pants. nothing much to say here.. other than the fact that i need to spray on some more water resistant stuff on it. now where is that bottle.. ?

IMGP8734

my empyre bonded fleece jackets. switch between gray and black randomly. super light, but warm. usually sufficient enough for normal snowboarding conditions.

IMGP8723

american eagle snowboarding jacket. i actually don't wear this very often at all. i only put it on if the conditions are going to be wetter than desired. my empyre bonded fleece jackets are usually sufficient for normal snowboarding use.

IMGP8721

burton woven beanie. and my seirus face mask. comes in handy when there are those intimidating signs out on the mountain that say "WARNING: NO EXPOSED SKIN"

IMGP8733

my burton moto boots. not the best looking boots ever, but they make up for it in comfort and functionality. speed laces save me a lot of time and effort when booting up.

IMGP8720

my dakine gloves. i love the ease of putting these things on. pulling on a couple straps gets them tightly fitted. and the built-in wristguards have probably saved me a few times already. discount courtesy of cesar.

IMGP8731

my MEGABLASTER! mult-tool that me and rk got from skidazzle a couple years back. this thing is actually really useful when needing to make some last minute adjustments or tightening a loose screw.

IMGP8718

oakley a-frame goggles. after ditching my cheap-O goggles, these things felt like heaven on my face. perfect fit. wide view. discount courtesy of cesar. i'd like to upgrade my lens to black iridium though sometime in the future..

IMGP8730

my burton P1 bindings. got them at skidazzle a bit ago. most comfortable bindings i've worn yet. these make me really feel connected to my board. a lot more than my previous ride bindings did. really like the under-toe strap that really keeps my boots secured on the board.

IMGP8728

and my board! my burton cruzer 151. been with me ever since i started getting into boarding. and it's still doing quite well. someday, i'd like to upgrade, but money is not the thing to be throwing around right now.

the snowboarding season looks like it's off to a strong start! a single storm brought in feet of snow at bear/summit! with another storm on its way :D
(Leave a comment)

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

recent.

haven't updated in a while event-wise.

i was finally able to hang out with kuya linden and the bestest elise last wednesday. i met up with linden in chino hills, then we headed out to elise's work in newport beach. she showed us her twilight-ified office. we then headed out for some soooosheee. linden spoiled me by paying for my meal. woot. afterwards, linden and i went to bevmo to find a beer to bring home and try while we watched glee. by the way: linden has hair now... wtf!?

photo
kuya with hair.


then friday was gilbert's little shindig. by the time i got there he was plastered and throwing up in a sink. gilbertfail. he passes out and everyone draws on him. but somehow he wakes up and can enjoy the company for a little bit.. before passing out again. BUT an awesome event happened that night. five generations of kuyas and adings were present. kevin, his kuya mark, mark's kuya froi, froi's kuya which is me, and my kuya linden. lineage.

five generations of kuyas and adings
generations.


saturday was huy's dinner at joe's sushi. i guess i can consider myself a regular there now considering i'm always welcome with hugs from the waitresses and high fives with the main chef.. and free alcohol.. waitress julie was kinda drunk and tried getting me to dance with her. it was really awkward. so she tries to bribe me with alcohol by pouring sake into my mouth and getting it all over my clothes. fun night. but wtf?!

then later saturday night was rj's 21st bday celebration at his place in eagle rock. and of course, by the time we all get there, he's plastered and throwing up in a trashcan. but magically again, he wakes up around 5am and is able to enjoy our company for a little bit! he was able to take pictures with us and now he can actually remember us being there.. we end up leaving a LOT later than i would have desired. should have just driven myself there.

photo
rj and i. not too bad a picture of him considering his.. condition?


checked out bMod's set for the bridge at their little pre-show. gonna go and support them at their competition :D can't be pulling a Scott's Tots on them..

and.. is it sad that my iPhone has kinda replaced my actual digital camera? gah. gonna need to start taking it around more often.
(Leave a comment)

Saturday, November 28th, 2009

thanks.

enjoyed my thanksgiving muchos. the four of us spent it at my sister's. and the whole day was simply full of us enjoying each others' company, which is all to rare a thing nowadays. as always, we started out with a huge offering of lunch. which put everyone in a food coma, but i surprisingly didn't nap at all the whole day. we simply put on movie after movie and just chilled. MJ's This is It, Up, Star Trek, Big Bang Theory, The Office, Glee, and New Moon (although no one was paying attention to new moon).

photo
our thanksgiving lunch/dinner

photo
my mom's cakefail. Harry Trankssiviililil... ?


my thank yous
like i tweeted, i am very thankful for what i have. my loving family. which is still broken, but i'm thankful that we're able to suck up all the drama and just BE US every once in a while. my wonderful friends who are with me, supporting me and simply being there for me when i need them, which has happened to be a lot recently. my previous years on barkada and bMod for generously offering me friendships and experiences one can never duplicate (esp. kuya/lilbro/ading): my kuya up north, always encouraging me and making me want to improve (and will be down here this weekend!). my lilbro in sd, who i dearly miss but i'm glad i've been able to call my little brother, in which i will stop at nothing to help him out in any way i can, which might be limited due to distance restrictions heh. my ading from sd, who is thankfully still here but has turned the tables, helping me out in more ways than he probably thinks he has or gives himself credit for - and i can only hope i've done even a fraction in return. and to those who i've come to call best friends, families, brotherhoods, cliques (and trust, i haven't forgotten!) etc. basically everyone who has made a difference in my life, thank you all very much.

ps: and im thankful for the fact that almost all my friends have disneyland passes. woot. son.

black friday
i made it a point to sleep right when i got home so that i'd be able to wake up in the weeeeee hours to get to Target so i could jump on a deal on a 2.5" portable external hard drive. Target had a Western Digital 500GB for only $60. my only other previous experience with the morning of black friday was two years ago at Staples. but that didn't really count because they did it in a way that no one had to rush to get anything, instead they gave out guarantee tickets for certain items. Target this year, on the other hand, just let everyone run in as a free-for-all. i was about the 200th person in line since i got there 30mins before it opened at 5am, so things weren't looking too great for the deal i wanted, but alas, i walked straight to the hard drives. and lo and behold, there was one left. grabbed it, got in line at the electronics registers, bought it, and walked out of Target all under 15 minutes. now i can carry all my important info with me without lugging around the huge brick i have at home and at the same time, keep my laptop free of clutter. woot.

IMGP8716
wd elements 500gb


for the rest of the day, i chilled at rooted movement with some beers. then bert, gigz, and i headed over to buffalo wild wings for dinner. and i'm very sad to announce... that bww is no longer serving the limited time Desert Heat dry rub. sadness TO THE FREAKING MAX. ah well. i then headed over to gigz' to play CoD:MW2 spec-ops.. then watch his brother jay play the campaign.
(Leave a comment)

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

town.

good times with the town meeting. the haven gastropub on monday. then TGIFridays on tuesday followed by a late trip to Disneyland.

photo

photo

waiting for maureen's pictures to pop up so i can steal! ;D
(Leave a comment)

Friday, November 20th, 2009

positive.

past month has been a cloud of negativity for me. including today. but there's been quite a few positives that have kept me afloat.

every monday, jowena and i have made a mini-tradition to go watch froi and jay at their intramurals games, then head over to buffalo wild wings for grub. i love me some desert heat dry rub wings! and fries with queso sauce! speaking of froi, i feel like i've been able to reconnect with my ading, like back in the olden days of bMod 07-08 -- days of which i miss a bit too much. got myself a new and powerful laptop so i can continue working with graphics (if i have work to do). and while i sadly missed out on all the November birthday bashes due to the sickening flu (which is still plaguing me to this day) i was able to celebrate maureen's birthday with gigz, jamie, bert, and jenise at disneyland today, and she is now an official passholder! add to that, being able to see all the christmas decorations on main street and the castle. watching the christmas parade. riding it's a small world holiday. then watching the awesome holiday fireworks. then experiencing the snowfall on main street. waiting for maureen to upload our group pic kinda in front of the castle sorta. ha.

some pics within the past month(s):
CIMG2294
it's a small world holiday decor

CIMG2296
sleeping beauty's castle decked out in snow

IMG_0294
the ading and i at Ra's awesome happy hour

halloween
my awesome halloween costume. which, mind you, cost me NOTHING!

16
my sister and i messing around with my webcam. fun times.
(5 comments | Leave a comment)

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

stats.

stumbled upon the TweetStats website. pretty interesting tool to graphically visualize your twitter behavior and trends. here are my graphs that it came up with:

my general twitter timeline
01 - Tweet Timeline
so it looks like my tweets have generally been increasing over the past two years.. which makes sense considering twitter kinda blew up along the way.. there was literally almost no one on it when i first started back in Jan08.


my tweet density (time of day i usually tweet)
02 - Tweet Density
my twitter-ness seems to be pretty freaking dead between the hours of 4am-9am. blowing up by noon on most days. i tend to tweet later in the night on sundays and tuesdays, and earlier in the night on other all other days.


aggregate daily and hourly tweets
03 - Aggregate Tweets
i seem to be pretty equal in the days that i use twitter, but for some reason Tuesday has the least of the week. hourly, i tend to be most active early afternoon. usually tweeting about what i just ate for lunch, haha.


@ replies, and retweets
04 - Reply Tweets
self-explanatory. i'm guessing my top @ replies are the people i have most conversations with on twitter.


twitter interfaces
05 - Interface Used
this one actually surprised me. echofon/tweetie makes sense in being a bit low considering i just got my iPhone two months ago, but i would have expected i used text more than i did web.

try your hand at TweetStats! Note: you will have to temporarily make your tweets public (not protected) in order for it to get all your information. but you can re-private-ize them after.
(Leave a comment)

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

remember.

random.. but i finally was able to watch the Disneyland fireworks show "Remember.. Dreams Come True" that literally everyone said was the park's very best fireworks show to date.. it showed for only ONE weekend last weekend, to have a show between the halloween and christmas fireworks. and sadly, i wasn't too impressed. i know i know, it's a very sentimental and meaningful show, but i think i was spoiled by the high-energy of the Halloween Screams fireworks show. i did like the fireworks that were launched from Main Street itself, those were quite a surprise.

but now that Christmas time has officially started at Disneyland, i'm very much looking forward to the Holiday Magic fireworks... and the castle's mini-show... and the snow on Main Street. let's go? :D
(Leave a comment)

radar.

for me to have any kind of self worth, i have to feel relevant. i have the need to feel needed.

that feeling of relevance has been dwindling and for some reason it's all coming down to an all-time low.

with maxt out overwith, i feel like i'm not gonna be designing anything for a while, which means no source of income. the friends that i used to see all the time, i can't anymore.. because of all the time i let bMod take away from them. speaking of which, my departure from bMod has been weirdly easy. like i'm being pushed away and a wall was put up. it's as if my only purpose was to help start the team and take it to a point where it could finally run itself. and now that it's there, i'm simply not needed anymore.

add to that: having a slap-in-the-face job interview last week. being very disrespected just a few days after by someone who barely knows me. then becoming feverishly ill and home alone for the next two days after that. and you can never forget the ignored text messages that just add the icing to the cake. it's all very depreciating.

i apologize in advance if i may seem a bit too eager or desperate to hang out and chill. it's because the tables have turned. it appears as though i've fallen off the radar. i no longer have the need to be needed. now, i just need people more than ever.
(Leave a comment)

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

epic.

so far, i've been having a very spur of the moment Halloween weekend. and it has been nothing but great.

thursday: RA sushi for andrew's birthday. cpp to visit bMod and api scary story night. dc house. froi's house. esteban! almost ended the night horribly though. but we lucked out!

yesterday (friday): disneyland with froi, lauren, rodney, angie, greg, and erin. only there for about 4 hours but we did quite a lot. dinner at the Hat afterwards for random funnies. then froi's house. it's 1:56am. we decide to get beer. but we only have 4 minutes to do it. we manage to get everyone out of the house, into the car, drive all the way to the nearest 7-eleven, park and run inside, assembly line six 40's of Mickey's to the counter, throw all our money at the guy, and the transaction goes through with 2:00am printed on our receipt. NOTHING BUT EPIC. we play an intense game of estaban! someone (i forget who) decides it would be a great idea if we all got a pumpkin from outside and carve them for Halloween. worst/best idea ever as carving pumpkins were a first time for all of us, and they were surprisingly disgusting but turned out awesome. carving pumpkins is tiring, but i was not about to drive home after how the previous night almost ended. so i took the next available sleeping area, froi's bed. blahahah. thanks ading.

pictures:
all of our Jack o lanterns

splash mountainJack o lantern view 2mummy
(Leave a comment)

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

thingy.

1. You can ONLY answer Yes or No.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and asks.

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? Yes
Been arrested? No
Kissed someone you didn’t like? No
Slept in until 5 PM? Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
Held a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Been suspended from school? No
Experienced love at first sight? No
Totaled your car in an accident? Yes
Been fired from a job? No
Fired somebody? No
Sang karaoke? Yes
Pointed a gun at someone? No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? No
Had a close brush with death (your own)? Yes
Seen someone die? No
Played spin-the-bottle? Yes
Sang in the shower? Yes
Smoked a cigar? Yes
Sat on a rooftop? Yes
Smuggled something into another country? No
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? No
Broken a bone? No
Skipped school? Yes
Eaten a bug? Yes
Sleepwalked? Yes
Walked a moonlit beach? Yes
Rode a motorcycle? No
Dumped someone? Yes
Forgotten your anniversary? No
Lied to avoid a ticket? No
Ridden on a helicopter? No
Shaved your head? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? Yes
Played a prank on someone? Yes
Hit a home run? No
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Cross-dressed? Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
Eaten snake? No
Marched/Protested? Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No
Puked on amusement ride? No
Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? Yes
Been in a band? Yes
Knitted? No
Been on TV? Yes
Shot a gun? Yes
Skinny-dipped? No
Gave someone stitches? No
Eaten a whole habanero pepper? No
Ridden a surfboard? No
Drank straight from a liquor bottle? Yes
Had surgery? No
Streaked? No
Taken by ambulance to hospital? No
Tripped on mushrooms? No
Passed out when not drinking? Yes
Peed on a bush? Yes
Donated Blood? No
Grabbed electric fence? No
Eaten alligator meat? Yes
Eaten cheesecake? Yes
Killed an animal when not hunting? Yes
Peed your pants in public? No
Snuck into a movie without paying? Yes
Written graffiti? Yes
Still love someone you shouldn’t? No
Think about the future? Yes
Been in handcuffs? No
Believe in love? Yes
(Leave a comment)

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

death.

why is it that when I earn money (and that's saying a lot considering I do not have a regular job) something has to happen or something has to break and in turn, make me spend said money?

I knew my HP TX1000z laptop was going to die but I didn't expect it to die so quickly. it started about a year ago when my wireless Internet stopped working. after extended research I found out that a good number of the laptops under the same model were manufactured with a faulty Graphics Processing Unit (GPU). the GPU would run too hot for the motherboard to handle. first on it's way out was the wireless. check.

I sent my laptop in for warranty (which was about to expire) and they fixed it after about a month. got laptop back and it worked again for a good half a year. the wireless cut out again. it was no longer under warranty, so I went out to buy an external wireless card for my expresscard slot. the GPU did it's damage again and burned the components for the expresscard. so I've had to use a USB wireless dongle since then.

upon further research, I've found that after the wireless stops working, the next to go is the display. and that finally happened the other day. I was converting a movie to be able to play on my iPhone, which is very graphics intensive, so my GPU was running pretty hot. everything starts to error and my computer shuts off. I turn it back on to find that the GPU itself had burned and no longer works, leaving me with a laptop that has literally no screen.

while still able to access my laptop remotely from my desktop via VNC, I was able to back everything up onto my external hard drive. I was also able to disable the GPU remotely. so now my screen works again, but it can only run at 800x600 resolution with the GPU disabled. everything seems bogged down. and I can't really do any designing work on it. having a visual again, it makes backup up of files a lot easier.

what makes me mad is that HP will not accept fault for shipping out units with faulty GPUs. they say that the amount of people with this problem isn't large enough compared to the units sold to count for a recall. so pretty much, once the warranty is up on these units, they simply don't care because they already got their money. google the words "tx1000" and "gpu" and "faulty" and you'll get pages upon pages of this exact problem that HP will not fess up for. while their products have most likely proved since then, I will never buy HP again because of their horrible customer support and the unprofessional decisions they have made regarding this issue. i will not support a company who won't take fault for such a failure of their own product. that is not acceptable.

research has taught me that after the GPU dies, people have experienced a failure to even boot up the laptop. no thanks, im not about to lose everything.

I've since then started looking for a new laptop. my budget was about 800 dollars since I have no job, and the laptop would have to be pretty strong in graphics so I can continue designing graphics for JayVee and if I might possibly pursue it in the near future. I can safely say I've grown out of the whole sub/ultra-compact sized laptops as well as novelty features like the touch screen that I didn't really use too much. with the help of mr Chadwick, he found me a laptop that seems to be compatible with my needs and requirements. a Lenovo IdeaPad Y550. custom built with an Intel Core2Duo P8700 Processing Unit and a dedicated nVidia GeForce 240m GPU. the total came out to under 800 dollars, and just under 900 after tax and shipping. the machine will be severely lacking in RAM, but that is easily upgraded along the way. I shall have it in hand within a few weeks so I'll have an update and review then. let's hope for no more problems.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)

buggin.

here's a fun fact: you know those huge mosquitos with long dangly legs you sometimes see in your house hovering near the ceiling? well those are actually Crane Flies or nickname Mosquito Hawks. and while they do look gross and disgusting, they will not bite you. actually they CANT bite you. as you see them in their adult form, they actually have no functional mouth parts. their only purpose as an adult is to mate. and they will naturally die of starvation in only a few days, successfully mated or not. rough life.. rough life indeed..

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

kind.

today I was picking up a print order. I had to take a toll road. I figure as long as I exit before the tollbooth, I was in the clear. so I drove as far as I could before a tollbooth looked like it was coming up. and to my surprise, my actual exit had come up before I reached any tollbooths! little did I know the toll had to be paid when you exit. FAIL ON ME.

signs said it was only a dollar to exit. so I pulled up to the booth with a dollar in hand. there was no one at the booth and the machine only took coins. FAIL ON ME.

so I just sit there waiting for someone to pull up behind me. someone does, a guy with a very strong African accent. he was also mad that we had to pay the toll. I asked if he had change for my dollar. but it turns out he only has change for his own toll. now were both stuck because he can't go around my car to pay the toll. and I can't pull forward or else the camera would get a picture of my plate and fine me.

so we wait a little more. and then a lady pulls up behind him. I make my way over to her and she has a very strong English accent. I wanted to say "you sound like you're from landan!!" but instead I just asked if she could have change for my dollar. she ended up being very kind and just gave me four quarters and would not accept my dollar in exchange. I thanked her, paid my toll, and was on my merry way to pick up my order.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)

Friday, October 9th, 2009

chapter.

CIMG2271

founders
(Leave a comment)

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

absence.

bMod audition workshops are finished. my first stress-free audition process! so stress-free that I was able to take the workshops! the last time I danced was in May for the Level 3 performance, which I didn't even plan to be my last performance, but as my cards were laid out, it was.

and what does not dancing for 5 months, then taking the workshops mean for me? a very sore body. yesterday after taking Eddie's workshop, my back was in dire pain. then today after taking Karl's, my legs are now incredibly painful. but the workshops were awesome and I was finally able to dance next to the Summer team, who claims to have never seen me dance. 

had a good handful of founding member visits including Cesar, Jay and Dee, Coleen, Jason, Arvin, Jackie, and myself. with supposed visits by Kyleen and Jean on Thursday. 

pretty good turnout for their auditions as well. excited to see how "the next generation" does.

....and I had In&Out two nights in a row.. so bad and unhealthy!! 

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)

Monday, October 5th, 2009

cotton.

i bought cotton candy from winco.. because it's only $1. as opposed to the same size at Disneyland for $4.

anyway, on the container, it has a "smile guarantee" and the description/disclaimer is hilarious:

It has been scientifically proven that it is impossible
for someone to eat Fun Sweets cotton candy
without cracking a smile. In fact, we're so confident
of that fact that we guarantee it.

DISCLAIMER
The Fun Sweets smile guarantee applies to typically
pleasant individuals. If you are a major grouch that
doesn't smile at a puppy or a rainbow then even we can't help you

i thought it was funny. and i definitely smiled. they win.
(Leave a comment)

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

lost.

losing my sense of......

Purpose.
It’s that little flame
That lights a fire
Under your ass.

Purpose.
It keeps you going strong
Like a car with a full
Tank of gas.

Everyone else has a purpose,
So what’s mine?


Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)

Monday, September 28th, 2009

overlay.

took a ride on Space Mountain's Halloween overlay: Ghost Galaxy the other day while at Disneyland for Katie's birthday. in my opinion, awesome. the mountain itself has a projected overlay and displays an eerie light show every so often: from screaming and lightning to a matrix grid effect to something trying to break out of it. other than the outside queue, the inner queue is about the same except the loading area is a bit darker, and the screen displaying outer space is going through some whacked out error thing.

as for the ride, the beginning is almost pitch black. they turned off all lights right before you start heading up the first incline. once at the second incline you get a good glimpse of the ghost galaxy, fan-named "BOB." the ride continues just as it did before, but with Bob projections grabbing at you and chasing you. very well done. on some of the turns, the projections actually match the speed of the coaster giving the effect of a close high speed chase. the projections were very well done, and I don't feel like it takes away anything from the original ride, if anything, adds more thrill. the only thing I can point out that is negative would be that at some points, the projections are so bright that you can see the wall that it's being projected on, losing the "lost in space" feeling. but other than that, a VERY good overlay. I can definitely see Bob sticking around longer than just the Halloween season, but we'll see what Disney plans to do with it.

my advice for first time riders would be to sit on the left side, anywhere after the 3rd row, to ensure that you get to see all of the projections and effects in full.

I'd like to ride it again cuz I sat in the very front and I feel like I missed some things. I was also in pain because gigz elbowed me in the eye right when the ride started, giving me my first black eye ever in life. an update on the eye to come at a later date.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

gone.

it's definitely weird... not being on bMod anymore. something that engulfed my life and was literally my life for a good 4 years. everythings changed: i don't go to practices anymore, I visit them. from running practices, directing an entire team and training a new board to not even saying a single word at practice. it is definite culture shock.

while I am still sticking around to help out wherever it is needed, my slow parting is still a parting nonetheless. it's bittersweet. not having my phone blow up before every practice with more excuses of lateness. not having to be liable and responsible for an entire group's sometimes unacceptable behavior and actions. not having to deal with complaints, contradicting criticisms, the drama that I get dragged into, and that constant nagging in the back of my head thinking "is bMod ok?" "is everyone accounted for?" "am I doing the right things?"

of course it wasn't all bad. very little of it was bad actually -- it's just so much easier to list. but even though, the bad is still something I'm going to miss. I'm going to miss coming to practice and seeing all the faces of peoples lives I may have impacted and changed. I'm going to miss that feeling of purpose that I got the moment I saw the team.. that feeling of being needed... being relevant. i am in no way asking for credit or recognition. all I ask is that bMod strives to live and love, and cherishes the traditions that made it not only a team, but a genuine family to those who needed one. bMod helped me grow as a dancer, a leader, and a person. and because of everything I've learned from being on and directing the team, I am forever indebted.  

I'm proud as far as where the team stands now. if I wasn't, I wouldn't be leaving.  I'm confident in who's hands now hold and guide the team.

like I said, it's bittersweet. I never wanted it to stop, but I'm glad that it has. and I've come to accept that years from now.. heck, even just a few weeks from now when auditions roll around, the last founding members will become lost in bMod history. recognized? I'm sure of it. but remembered as we were when we left? I doubt it.. we will slowly and simply be names on a page.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
(Leave a comment)
Previous 20